A week or so ago, I had a great conversation with someone very like myself. We were discussing as to why were both not happy, but also not unhappy. Our conclusion was that a) we know how good life can be b) we’ve experienced it c) we do miss it.
I don’t want to sound too egotistical, but I will go ahead and make this one statement:
I could have lived a normal life, but I made a decision a decade or so ago not to.
During the heyday in San Francisco, I’ve lived as a so-called “socialite” lifestyle, made piles of money, dated incredible women, and then literally lost it all. I moped around for a while, slaving away at a 9-7, and not being not exactly happy, but then again not miserable either. Every reason I worked for before ended up making me feel empty. I felt stagnated in life. Eventually, the opportunity came for me to move to Asia and I grabbed it. I sold almost all of my material possessions, cashed out a lot of what was left in my portfolio, and left town.
I traveled the world. I then saw how good things could be.
My move to Asia was an eye opener and eventually, through my friends and family contacts the cycle repeated again. I started to rise. Things I thought were important, suddenly wasn’t. Not necessarily in the same fashion as I regulated myself back to being a student, but nonetheless I started to feel the “rush” again. The energy in Asia was incredible…and infectious. It was like my younger years where I was growing up in the Silicon and Internet gold rush. Like before, I’d go to school during the day, work at night, and make contacts people-who would at first glace would be dismissed here, but actually were the movers and shakers of an entire continent- at all night private parties. I was living AS a rock star- not like a rock star- and enjoyed it. Everything I hated in the US wasn’t there, everything I liked was, and I was hooked.
Fast-forward a year later.
I move back. San Francisco is exactly the same…well actually everything is a bit worse. A Starbucks homogenized version of life 
. I see my friends and realize that most haven’t changed at all; careers, friends, relationships, everything is the same. They’ve stagnated…and are happy!?!?! Yes they complain about work, stress, all the normal petty things, they want to do more, but won’t because they don’t have any motivation and fear to do so. Yet they are perfectly happy.
I didn’t understand. How could they be perfectly content? I thought I was losing my mind.
I almost moved back, but one thing stopped me- family. As Baz Luhrmann sang in the song, “Everybody’s free…to wear sunscreen”:
“Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.”
I realized I haven’t spent enough time with my parents, sisters, and grandparents. All the memories, good times, funny stories…could stop tomorrow and I could completely miss it. There is no bigger regret I have than not to really know my grandfather (maternal) and nothing I do can fill that. I am determined not to let it happen again with the rest of my family.
I have made an unconscious decision years ago and bit the fruit of knowledge. I have seen and experienced how good life can be for me. I want it again. It’s what I was looking for my entire life. However I realized that I couldn’t live it forever.
Today is almost the one year mark of my return. My friend Jin told me her fortune from a fortune cookie:
Happiness equals reality minus expectations.
In a few years I might move back to Asia, but I know now that I learn to thrive here again. I can’t afford to get too addicted to the lifestyle in Asia as I want my kids to be raised as I was and I want them to have, at the least, the same opportunities I had here.
Ultimately…
I bit the fruit of knowledge and am forced to live with that decision. By biting the fruit of knowledge, my expectations have gone VERY high. If I live my life in Asia again, I need to make sure my reality is set just as high when I return.
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Given a choice would you bite the fruit of knowledge and work hard to be happy? Or would you prefer to be dumb and happy?
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Edit- There are other reasons why I’m planning on staying here for a couple of years. Grad School being important and the other being family. Please don’t freak out on me. =D
